Our son, Tom, is now beginning a new life at the University of Chicago. I am surprised that as his mother, I feel at peace about this transition.

Tom & Sian outside Coulter House, University of Chicago

I had the opportunity to visit the college and to enjoy the green and leafy quads; and old buildings, at least by Californian standards. It reminded me of Cambridge and I was pleased that our son could experience such a wonderful college environment.

The students, at least at first glance, seemed academic, authentic and unpretentious. The dean, in his speech during the convocation in the Rockerfeller Chapel ceremony, encouraged me to believe that the goal was not to strive for political correctness but rather to understand opinion and different perspectives through academic inquiry.

The students join different houses where they live and eat. Tom is in Burton Judson which is old and attractive and the “house parents” of his house, Coulter, are grad students and they have a ten month year old. This adds a touch of real life to what is in danger of becoming a detached ivory tower. What is more, the “mother” did an M. Phil at Clare College, Cambridge and she loves books. She told Tom that his love of books meant that he would fit in well.

Mothers have the challenging job of raising kids so that one day they will be able to survive on their own. It seems ironic now that I struggled to leave my baby of a few weeks for a couple of hours with a friend. When Tom was six weeks old I joined a few mothers who had babies and toddlers. There was an eighteen month old “giant” who was shaking his mother’s keys somewhat violently. I felt that my tiny child might be attacked and I held him close.

At four years old Tom started school. I had been a kindergarten teacher in England before he was born and I was appalled to see the boring tasks that he was given to do. I had created games and exciting learning activities for other people’s kids and now I stood back and it hurt. In the evenings I tried to compensate, offering Tom art and teaching him to read the better way, but Tom was still stuck in a dull environment for a whole year. Whenever he was ill I was pleased to have him home with his younger brother and sister so that the nest was complete again.

How have I managed to let go now without too much pain, when in the early days I struggled so much? All those times when I had to let go, I was being pushed closer towards Jesus. I prayed more as I lost control. At the beginning I was meant to be Tom’s constant carer, but I still had to trust that God would protect him when I was not with him. Gradually as a child matures, he has to become more independent and finally, when he is ready to go, there is a sense that pulling him back would be like taping down a bird’s wings so that it could not fly. Martyn (my husband) and I have taught Tom the way to live life, relying on Jesus, through praying and reading the Bible. We have made mistakes and Tom has not always wanted to listen but our hope is that he has heard enough. Our prayers and words will continue to impact Tom’s life but now he will need to rely more on Jesus and his faith will become more of a personal reality.

Once we arrived in Chicago our roles reversed. Tom was in control of the maps and the timetables and he did well.

Chicago at night

His 6ft 1″ height and strong build were reassuring and I had to admit that he provided me with protection. It is only now that I feel ready to open my hands and to let him fly. My encouragement to parents, and to those who have opportunity to influence friends or relatives who have kids, is to trust Jesus, to pray, to model what is good and to “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) Training is very intentional. Do not just hope for the best but teach what is right and wrong from the Bible, through encouragement and discipline. You would not leave a child to simply walk past a piano if you wanted him to play well. Similarly we should not assume that our children will learn right from wrong without proper instruction. There seems to be so much time spent driving our kids to soccer or music lessons. These can be wonderful for our kids but nothing is more important than sharing God’s truth with them. Let’s go to a good church and let’s talk to our kids about sharing, sin, jealousy, forgiveness, sex, homosexuality, caring for the poor and so on ………. using the Bible to point us all in the right direction. It is never too late to start and if Jesus transforms your life in the process, kids, of any age, will be influenced positively.

May God bless you as you connect the hands of your kids with the almighty God.

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