Lust or love?

Oct

Lust and love are often confused, to the detriment of many. Teenagers, who start to feel sexual intrigue for the first time, are in particular danger of responding out of lust rather than love. We know from experience that this is not just a teenage problem. Divorce at any age is usually in some way related to at least one of the married couple choosing to respond out of lust to another.

Lust is a sensual response to another person. In fairy stories such as “Cinderella”,

Cinderella - lust or love?

the prince “falls in love” with a girl who had been recently transformed by her fairy godmother. She was no longer the poor, abused stepdaughter, but rather a well dressed princess. How easy it is to be attracted to someone who appears to be well off, accomplished and beautiful. However, appearance is skin deep and we should warn our teenagers as well as our friends that “falling in love” is often no more than a fatal attraction.

Fairy tales usually have happy endings but if people in the real world assume that attraction equals love, they are in danger of committing themselves to a beautiful witch. The book of Proverbs in the Bible makes the point graphically in chapter 11 verse 22: “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.”

The book of Proverbs highlights the most valuable quality of a woman: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30) The word “fears” in this context means someone who takes God seriously, obeying His commands and worshiping Him with reverence.

It seems that most of the warnings regarding falling for beauty rather than judging character and faith is directed at young men. Men are in general more likely to focus on the physical and sexual than women and they need to be warned in particular. However, increasingly, it appears that many modern girls are also motivated to get into a physical relationship with the man of their dreams before they have considered marriage or even a solid friendship.

God’s Word shows the right way of living for everyone, but obeying it is only fully possible if we seek His help. The Amplified translation of the Bible helps us understand God’s will on this matter: “For this is the will of God, that you should be consecrated (separated and set apart for pure and holy living): that you should abstain and shrink from all sexual vice, that each one of you should know how to possess (control, manage) his own body in consecration (purity, separated from things profane) and honor, Not (to be used) in the passion of lust like the heathen, who are ignorant of the true God and have no knowledge of His will.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)

Sexual purity is an important aspect of being a Christian. A true Christian is different from those who do not follow Christ and we must be self disciplined and godly in the way that we view our own and others’ bodies. We are called to be pure and honorable. Passionate lust is not the right motivation for any behavior and sex should be restricted to marriage. Sexual purity applies not just to sexual intercourse but to any act that is passionate or lustful. Even engaged couples need to avoid situations when they would be tempted to engage in premature sexual activity of any kind.

Does God tell us to remain pure because He is a kill joy? He warns us to avoid a lust driven lifestyle because the consequences cause so much damage, to our lives as well as others’, to our Christian witness and to our relationship with Christ. Controlling our bodies and our passions throughout life will bring tremendous blessing. If you have failed to live a sexually pure life, Jesus will forgive you if you approach Him in a humble and repentant manner. He can give you the power to change. Find a mature Christian who can help you and pray and read the Bible daily.

If Jesus is our focus, the joy we will receive from honoring Him and others is far superior to fulfilling the fantasies of minds that focus on the body in a lustful way. If we worship Jesus we should have the right attitude to others, offering what is good and kind and pure and self-controlled. This is love. In some cases when a man and a woman have tested one another’s Christian character, while offering appropriate Christ like love and compassion as friends, they may choose to marry, entering a life long commitment. Then they will be ready to share the gift of sexual intimacy which in the context of marriage is an important aspect of love, binding the two into one unit which no one should separate.